


Give and Take

by Wolfcry22



Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [15]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Depression, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Medication, Nightmares, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron/Finn Fluff, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Finn (Star Wars), Resistance, Sad Poe Dameron, Sick Character, Sick Poe Dameron, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25974751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: Poe and Finn discuss the pros and cons of medication for Poe after another restless night.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605424
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	1. Restless

**Author's Note:**

> I said that I would hopefully have another part of this series up and just managed to write this one. I thought it was important to let Finn and Poe have a conversation of medication to help with his anxiety/insomnia. It is a decision that can only be right for the person and it’s important to consider all sides. There is no right or wrong way to approach it, but I hopefully will be able to show how difficult it is to finally choose.
> 
> Warning for graphic depictions of sickness (vomiting), some language, and possibly triggering instances, such as PTSD

Finn shifted on his and Poe’s bed and stretched out his hand to bring Poe close to him. However, when he touched Poe’s side and found it empty, alarm bells started to go off in his head. He straightened while still being almost still asleep when he heard almost painful retching from the fresher.

“Oh no,” Finn grumbled to himself as he threw the covers from his legs. He gingerly stepped out of bed and made his way to the fresher.

The door automatically opened to reveal Poe sitting hunched over the toilet. His entire body seemed to shudder as Poe tried in vein to bring something up. Finn could hear the horrible retching sound that seemed to only succeed in bringing more pain to Poe. He then could hear Poe spit some saliva into the toilet and he wondered if Poe had thrown up anything.

‘And after all of the effort we’ve been putting forth to try and get him to eat. It doesn’t do any good if he vomits it back up at night,’ thought Finn bitterly.

“Poe,” Finn questioned so that he didn’t startle the hunched over pilot as he clutched the toilet for dear life.

Poe cautiously looked back to Finn with his eyes squinted in the light. “F-Finn,” he stuttered. He then turned back suddenly and coughed wetly before bringing up some water that Finn had managed to get him to choke down before he went to bed.

Finn headed to the sink and grabbed one washcloth. He drew it under the cool water and wrung it out to the best of his ability. He then carried it over to Poe as he kneeled beside him. “Shit, shit, let’s get you cleaned up a bit,” suggested Finn as he lifted the washcloth and started to gingerly clean up Poe’s mouth to the best of his ability. “Do you still feel sick? Do you think it’s something you ate?” Truthfully, whatever meat they had for dinner in the mess hall was slightly fighting back against Finn.

Poe shook his head, his black curly hair slightly falling against his sweaty forehead. “It wasn’t the food,” he rasped, his throat sore from the vomiting. “Just another nightmare.”

Finn hummed in understanding as he lifted his hand to flush the toilet. He rose to his feet and grabbed another washcloth. He ran it under the cool water, wrung it out, and then walked back to Poe. He crouched down and rubbed the cool cloth against his forehead and then to his cheeks and the back of his neck. “This is the third time this week that a nightmare has woken you up and shaken you up enough to make you physically ill.” 

Poe wrinkled his nose in disgust as Finn continued to try and wash the sweat away. “It’s nothing,” he argued as he slumped against the wall. It was just too tiring to sit up without the support of the wall.

Finn shifted into the space directly beside him. They were still close enough to the toilet in case Poe’s stomach decided to revolt again. Finn hoped that things wouldn’t come to that. “I don’t think that’s true. They’re getting worse, Poe. You went from waking up whimpering, to sobbing, to screaming, to cold sweats, and now it’s making you physically sick. I don’t know about you, but I’d really like for you to keep this food inside of your body.”

Poe groaned and grunted as he leaned his head back against the wall. His eyes were partially closed in exhaustion when he answered. “There’s not much that we can do. I can’t exactly do grounding techniques when I’m not awake,” he pointed out dryly.

“No, that’s true. However, I think it’s time we start investing one major thing that we’re missing,” Finn suggested hopefully, knowing he was treading on thin ice with the topic he was about to bring up.

It only took Poe a moment to understand what Finn was talking about. He shook his head madly, nearly hitting it against the wall as he did so. “You know I don’t want to go there,” he hissed.

Finn continued to gingerly sponge Poe’s face. “I know that you don’t want to, but what if it helps? If something will help you sleep through the night, I think that it’s worth it to try,” Finn suggested as enthusiastically as he could muster to persuade Poe. 

“I don’t want to try medication,” Poe replied simply. “It’s going to change me.”

“It’s not going to change you,” Finn urged as he lifted the washcloth and rubbed at Poe’s mouth as a thin line of saliva started to drip from the corner. “It’s going to help. It can help with the anxiety and even the insomnia. I’m sure that you’ve got to be tired.”

Poe’s eyes squeezed shut before his jaws parted in a massive yawn. “I suppose,” he mumbled as he lifted a fist and rubbed it against his forehead. “But, I’m not sure that medication is the answer.”

Finn tapped his foot impatiently. They had been having the same argument for what felt like weeks. Ever since Dr. Firn had mentioned medication, Finn had been trying to do as much research as possible. He hadn’t shown any of it to Poe in case he reacted negatively to it. However, things seemed to reach a head when he realized how physically sick his nightmares and terror were making him.

“Do you know for a fact that it’s absolutely not the answer,” questioned Finn gently.

Poe frowned, his mouth starting to slightly turn upward in amusement. “Are you going to try and turn everything that I say?”

“If that’s what it takes,” replied Finn defiantly. 

Poe grunted as he started to lean forward with his hand pressed against the side of his stomach. He swallowed thickly in an attempt to stop himself from being sick again. He closed his eyes as he tried to soothe the nausea that had suddenly rose inside of him as tears nearly pooled from his eyes.

Finn watched him fearfully before he reached around Poe’s shoulders. He tried to let out some soothing whispers as he pulled Poe backwards. He rested his head gingerly against the wall as Finn rubbed at his shoulder as reassuringly as possible. “You okay? Has your stomach settled,” Finn fretted.

“For now,” breathed Poe with his eyes still closed. It was as if he was afraid that if he opened his eyes then his stomach would betray him. “We’ll see what the next ten minutes bring.”

Finn nodded in agreement, sighing deeply through his nose. “ Do you want to talk about what the nightmare was about,” he suggested. He knew there was a good chance that Poe wouldn’t tell him. Finn didn’t want to make it worse either, but he couldn’t help if he couldn’t know.

Poe shifted uncomfortably as he glanced up at Finn in exhaustion. The last thing he wanted to do was relive it, but he knew how persistent Finn was. He may just keep asking. “Bombing mission. Heavy casualty. It was one of my earlier missions with the Resistance. I remember loosing so many pilots.” Poe leaned forward suddenly and lurched for the toilet. He started to dry heave, unable to bring anything up since there wasn’t anything left in his stomach.

Finn mentally cursed himself as he leaned forward to rub his hand against Poe’s back. He could feel Poe’s stomach straining and contracting with effort, only succeeding in forcing more agony through Poe’s body.

Finn wasn’t quite sure how long they had been sitting there when Poe finally deemed that his stomach’s churning had halted for the time being. He fell back against against Finn as Finn wiped his mouth for him with the washcloth. Sweat was beginning to collect on his upper lip and forehead while his body was weak with fatigue. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes open and Finn was almost positive that he was dehydrated. It seemed that any attempt Finn had to help Poe, his body automatically had different ideas.

“How about we get you back to bed,” suggested Finn as he leaned down to kiss Poe’s forehead. He was pleased not to feel fever. It seemed that Poe was right and this wasn’t because of illness.

Poe grumbled a bit before deciding that a soft bed was better than the c0ld fresher floor. Finn stood first and offered a hand toward Poe. “We can have this conversation in the morning, alright? Or at least, later in the morning.”

Poe stretched out his hands and grasped Finn’s hands. Finn easily hauled him to his feet and kissed his forehead on the way up. “There we go,” chided Finn as he led Poe out of the room and turned off the light in the process. They made their way over to the bed with Finn helping Poe settle back down.

Finn climbed over him, settling back on his side of the bed toward the wall. Poe reached up to flick off the small lamp, shifting over so that he was closer to Finn and could place his head so that it was almost buried into the side of Finn’s neck. Finn tried not to move, even though Poe’s breath tickled him. 

“Get some sleep,” Finn suggested while Poe seemed to tense beside him as if afraid to let himself sleep. “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

Neither one was quite looking forward to it.


	2. Talking It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn has an uphill battle trying to persuade Poe to take something to help him with his nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This next part won’t be overly long and is more fluffy while also sticking with the same theme as the rest of the stories in this series. Poe and Finn share some sweet moments together in this part while also having to talk about the tough issues.

Poe awoke to find that Finn was already awake and writing vigorously on his PADD. Finn looked over to Poe and Poe quickly closed his eyes. Finn chuckled in amusement as he leaned over him. “Hey, I know that you’re awake,” murmured Finn as she kissed Poe gingerly on the lips.

Poe kissed him back before groaning. “I’m not awake,” he lied, draping an arm over his eyes.

“Uh huh,” mumbled Finn as he kissed Poe again. This time Poe tilted his head so that he had a better angle to kiss him. 

Finn broke off to turn back to his PADD while Poe whimpered at the lost contact. He sat up on his elbows and tried to pull at Finn’s arm, but Finn wasn’t giving it. “Finn, please,” Poe pleaded, voice rising to desperate whine.

“I’ll tell you what, if you listen to my worries with this list, then we can do some of that later,” Finn suggested as he glanced over to Poe, a glimmer of mischief lighting behind his eyes.

Although reluctant, Poe nodded as he sat up the rest of the way. “Alright, I guess,” he grunted as he tried to crane his head to look over Finn’s shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“I think that you know,” Finn told him distractedly.

Their talk from the night before came rushing back into Poe’s mind like a freight train. The devastating nightmare, the vomiting, Finn coming to find him, and then Finn mentioning medication all overwhelmed Poe’s thoughts. Poe knew that he had been dead set against it and yet he was also aware that Finn wasn’t going to drop it. He promised that he would at least hear him out and that was what he was going to do.

“You’re still trying to get me to take some of that shit,” Poe questioned as he looked up to Finn expectantly.

Finn nodded, swiveling the PADD so that Poe could see it too. “Pro and con list,” he explained as he tapped his finger against it. “This will help us decide.”

“A pro and con list,” echoed Poe in amusement. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Now you’re the one that is starting to sound like Leia.”

Finn reached over and nudged him. “Shut up! This is serious. You said that you would take it seriously, so can you please at least look at it?”

Poe sat up the rest of the way and stretched out his hand. “Give it here.” Finn gave it over and Poe’s eyes skimmed the screen.

Pros

Helps with insomnia, anxiety, depression, nightmares, manic thoughts, etc. 

Balances mood.

Engages focus

“You honestly think that some pill is going to do all this,” Poe questioned as he dropped the PADD onto his outstretched legs.

Finn crossed his arms over his chest. “Save all sarcastic comments for the end, please.”

Poe grunted as he lifted the PADD back up.

Cons

Poe won’t like it

Side effects

Must be taken regularly

Could do more harm than good

Poe looked back to Finn as Finn waited him to decide something. “Finn, this hasn’t persuaded me to take it,” Poe told him honestly.

Finn didn’t look surprised in the slightest. If anything he seemed pleased that Poe had just read through everything and hadn’t refused. “I know, but I have one more trick up my sleeve.”

Before all of this happened with Poe’s flashbacks and panic attacks, Poe would’ve thought that would mean something quite different. He tried not to dwell on that the fact that he and Finn were becoming more lifelong partners instead of traditional lovers. “What,” Poe asked a little more bitterly than he intended.

Finn reached out and grabbed Poe’s hands. Poe was forced to look up to Finn and saw the heartbreak in his eyes. “Asking you to, from me. I love you so much, Poe. I just don’t want to see you suffering and I know how much pain this causes you. I just want to try it, that’s all. It could help and I—“

“No,” interrupted Poe. He wasn’t agitated, but certainly a little reluctant. He didn’t like being pressured or blindsided and that was how Finn was making him feel. “I need you to trust me on this.”

Finn shook his head gravely. He still had Poe’s hands squeezed in his and he didn’t show any signs of letting go. “You have no idea how much I want to. But, I’m also worried about you, Poe. You worry me. I want to trust you, but I also don’t want to see you physically ill because of this. Last night your nightmares were bad enough to make you physically sick. Do you realize how hard I’ve been trying to keep food inside of you?”

Poe had noticed that Finn seemed to do anything to get him to eat. Even if he wasn’t hungry, Finn was always trying to get him to have something, filling his plate to bursting at the mess hall only for Poe to eat less than half. “I’m aware,” Poe mumbled, looking down bashfully.

Finn squeezed his hands again to urge Poe to look up. “Do you just not want to take anything for anxiety or are you opposed to taking anything?”

“Finn, I was lost when I was younger. I took plenty of things that I shouldn’t. I’m not willing to put anything in my body like that again,” Poe explained as a vaguely as he could. He didn’t want to admit how he had tried to self medicate through part of the Resistance war. He was sure that Finn would turn away from him if he knew.

Finn could see the inner turmoil in Poe. This entire process was difficult and painful to bring up and go through. They had been trying to make sense of it and it was nearly impossible. All Finn wanted to do was help Poe reach a place where he could function in their society and even thrive. Finn didn’t see how that would happen without the aid of medication, and yet that was where he saw things going if Poe was so against it. He wasn’t going to force him. That never worked. He recalled the time that he had tried to crush up some sleeping medication into Poe’s food. That had been an extremely tense few days after Poe had found out.

“Okay, maybe nothing for the anxiety and flashbacks, but what about at least some anti-nausea medication for when the nightmares are too overwhelming,” Finn pleaded. Perhaps if they started slow, they could attempt to work him up to more medication.

Poe saw a compromise. He could admit that. “I wouldn’t mind that,” he answered as he lifted his gaze to Finn. “That we could try. Just nothing else yet, please.”

Finn sighed as he leaned forward, finally releasing Poe’s hands from his own. He pressed their foreheads together as he reached a hand to rest on the back of Poe’s neck comfortingly. “You’re going to be the death of me, Poe.”

“And you’re going to be the death of me, Finn,” Poe repeated good-naturally.

Finn sighed as he looked to the clock. “You ready for the day?” Things hadn’t gone exactly as Finn would’ve liked, but that was alright. They were making progress. It was slow, yes, but progress nonetheless. Finn had learned that with Poe some progress was better than no progress.

“As ready as I’m going to be,” responded Poe as he threw the covers off of himself. He then glanced over his shoulder when he didn’t hear Finn respond. “Thanks for trusting me on this.” He then got up from the bed and headed toward the fresher to shower.

Finn sighed heavily. He didn’t trust Poe. That wasn’t why he didn’t argue more to force Poe to take any medication. He had to let Poe come to this realization himself, on his own, and he would be there when he finally did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you guys all enjoyed this part. I wanted to show how difficult it is to take that step into taking any sort of medication that so many people with PTSD and other mental illness often dislike. The choice each individual makes it not always the best decision, but often it takes gentle reassurance and some hard questions before an individual takes that step. It can also be frustrating for those close to the one suffering as it usually impacts not just them, but everyone around them. Don’t worry. This will be an issue that is brought up again. Poe just isn’t ready to take that step and that’s okay. Finn will be there and it just may take time before he’s ready and sometimes it takes a while. Everyone has to reach that step on their own. Thanks for reading and I hope you all stay safe and healthy!

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a two parter and more of a filler story, but certainly still important. I want to show Finn and Poe being on opposite sides of this for good reasons. It’s a delicate thing to balance and there are no right or wrong answers. It all depends on the person. I hope you guys enjoy this first part and are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
